"I'm Gonna Make This Place Your Home"

Well, I've officially been living on the campus of Illinois State University for two weeks and I am finally feeling at home. I may only be 30 minutes away from my original home, but change is change no matter what and it always takes some adjusting. Let me tell you one thing, the first four and a half days I was here before classes started it honestly felt like a vacation. There were always things going on around campus for welcome week so it was just a whole lot of fun and no work to do yet. During that period, on Saturday specifically, I went to a 24-hour diner close to campus right before midnight with my dear friend Rachel, who also goes to school here. As we sat in a booth right in front of the door splitting a plate of fries, we saw people coming in and out dressed in skimpy clothes and half intoxicated. Most of them were probably grabbing a bite to eat between parties or between their bar hopping. That night was very sobering to me. The entire time the main thing on my mind was Panama City Beach over spring break. I have spent my past two spring breaks there evangelizing to and serving my peers. It is the number one spring break spot in the nation. So it looked a lot like scenes there but not as crazy and not as many people. However, the thought that kept crossing my mind was, "This isn't just a spring break trip. This is how every weekend is going to look. This is my life now." My heart was breaking for these people. This was only weekend number one. Boy, do I have a lot to get used to. See, in the cases when I was in Panama City, I was only there for a week, I only got a glimpse of it then went home. Therefore, I've been in it but I've never lived in it...until now. Needless to say, it was a little hard for me to go to sleep that night.

That was eye opening experience number one. Okay actually, number two. Number one happened just earlier that evening. I had been so caught up in all the activities around campus and meeting new people that I never really took the chance to sit down and look at the big picture. There was an outdoor concert that night and as I was sitting there I just kinda looked around and something hit me. There are soooo many students here. So many lost students. And when I say lost I mean spiritually. So many of them are aimlessly living their lives on the road to hell, to be frank, whether they're purposely rebelling or haven't even been exposed to the Truth. In those few moments of letting it all sink in I was flooded with emotions. Sadness, because of the path they're headed down. Excitement, because of the opportunities there are for them to potentially be changed by the Gospel. And overwhelmed, because of the exhaustible amount of people there are to be reached. BUT, I am not alone. There are a lot of ministries and individuals willing to reach out to people. Phew. Go team Jesus! :)

Okay, so more eye-opening things. This next one occurred the following Monday. I was at one of the campus ministry sessions when the speaker said that sometime soon something would hit all of us. That realization was the fact that we will never be able to go home again. Sure, we will visit but it really never will be our home again. We've moved out. Now I'm not sure if I ever really thought about it that much. I feel as if me moving out all happened so quickly, even my decision to do so in general and which apartment I was going to be living in. Then, the one line from the song Home by Phillip Phillips popped into my head. "I'm gonna make this place your home." That is exactly what God's telling me and is doing right now! He's making Bloomington-Normal my home...for awhile anyways. He wants us to be completely invested in Him and His Kingdom wherever we are. He has plans and a great purpose for me while I'm here. I'm here for a reason. Oddly enough, that line gave me a bit of peace, along with this verse that I just love!:

Zephaniah 3:17-The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

He is in my midst. He is always with me. He will save. He even rejoices over me with gladness and exults over me with loud singing. Man, that's some extreme, intense, marvelous love!
Anyways, I do have a bit of a fear though that with becoming too at home I become too comfortable. And that's actually one factor I'm considering while praying for what ministry to get involved in. I don't want to choose the one that I feel the most comfortable in, necessarily. I want to choose the one where I will learn the most and glorify God the most.

Lastly, just something about my battle in adjusting. Sunday night was, for lack of a better term, hard. I was stressed and frustrated with technology for a reading I needed to do, I was overwhelmed with how much work I knew was ahead of me in the long hall, and I was homesick. (Yep, I think that's when what was talked about Monday finally hit me) It was the night I wanted to be by myself the most and just happen to be the night the most amount of people we've ever had in our apartment thus far were there. I just wanted to go somewhere to be alone, spend some time with Jesus, write this blog actually, or even cry. That was when I really missed having my own room, my friends, and living in a quite town. I actually was able to get my crying out while in the shower. It wasn't necessarily planned, it just happened. It is private after all. And you better believe I enjoyed those 20 minutes of solitude. My tears were mostly triggered from stress, anxiety, and fear. Fear of the future/the unknown. But it's silly. Fear is not of God but of the Devil. We have nothing to fear because God is always with us, He knows what's ahead of us and His perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18)

Well, that's pretty much been my past two weeks in terms of deep thoughts anyways. I've been learning/growing through it all and more and more I am reminded of how much I need God. Just earlier in the day of my shower breakdown the pastor at the church I went to said on a few occasions, "If anyone's in need of Jesus, it's us." All of us. Anyone. Everyone. Every hour. So true. I'm ready to make this place my home, because God has called me to it.