We all go through hard seasons. For me, I am just finishing one up. Summer 2015, honestly, I was dreading it. Most people are super excited for summer, and usually I am too, but this year I definitely was not. I had this huge responsibility ahead of me. It was time to raise support for my ministry work with Cru. I had a few months to raise thousands of dollars that would be my source of income for the next year. To say I was overwhelmed and scared would be an understatement. Like I said, I was literally dreading it, but I knew it had to be done. If I truly believed that God was calling me to this, I would have to do all that I could to make it happen. I knew the end result would be well worth it.
And so it began. I made phone calls and met with people day in and day out. Most days, more voice-mails were left than conversations were actually had. And often, when I did talk to someone, they explained to me that they already supported other organizations and that they were unable to add on another one. I constantly struggled between being encouraged that people were so involved with missions and being discouraged and frustrated that there were so many others "competing" with me in this mission field. Now, that sounds silly, but I hope you know what I mean. It is wonderful that so many people are going out and that so many people are giving, but it felt like I was in competition with other missionaries to find those people who are willing and able to give. I felt like I was putting so much work in and only seeing little results. I saw my selfishness so much this summer. I struggle with unrealistic expectations. I tend to have too high of expectations of people and too low of expectations of God. I was expecting everyone I talked to to be encouraging or everyone I met with to give a significant amount of money. That was far from the case. Sure, I had many many encouraging conversations, and many many generous givers, but those few discouraging moments are the ones that seemed to stick out and sting the most. I was expecting God to give me a smooth ride through all of this, and if He didn't, I lost faith in His ability and concern for me. I was relying far too much on my own ability, which proves to fall short every single time.
One night, I started doubting if this was God's plan for me, so I decided to go on a walk to process things. I voiced my frustrations to my Father and asked Him to show me His plan. When I got home, I wanted to continue this time with the Lord by reading my bible. I wasn't sure where to look for specific comforting verses so I just decided to continue reading where I already had been. This brought me to the second half of Hebrews 10. What was the title of this section? The Full Assurance of Faith. Seriously?! I knew this was going to be good! The first part of vs 22 reads: "let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance..." I am to have full confidence in my God! Then, vs 23 says: "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." Amen! We are to hold on to God's promises without doubting, for He is faithful! Now, let me jump down a bit: "Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised."- Hebrews 10: 35-36. I need to remain confident and continue enduring. What peace fell over me in that moment. God clearly spoke to me and reminded me that He is faithful and trustworthy. It was in those moments where I lacked faith that I felt just like Thomas. Thomas was one of Jesus' disciples, who after Jesus raised from the dead, doubted that He was who He said He was just as I was doubting that God is who He says He is and that He is able to do what He says he can. When God came through for me, He whispered, "Oh, you of little faith!" or in other words, "I told you so!" ;)
So that's it right? After that hard night, my summer was great and I was full of faith and trust. Wrong! You know that quote, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going?" Yeah? Well, that's definitely not me! It doesn't take much for me to get discouraged again. When things go differently from how I thought they should I start doubting again and just want to give up. I repeat, "oh, you of little faith!" We are humans, sinful humans, fighting with the flesh. We so easily forget how good our God is. So once again, I turn to the Bible for that reminder.
Hebrews 11 refers to many people from the Old Testament who lived by faith during a time of waiting or darkness. They, too, had their doubts though. But God, as always, proved Himself as faithful.
Hebrews 12:1-8- Therefore, since you are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
Jesus is our Great Prize. And our eyes should always be on the prize. We are called to lay everything aside in order to reach and seek Him. This requires enduring all sorts of obstacles. It is so humbling because nothing we go through will ever be as hard as what Jesus went through for us! God brings us through these times of endurance to teach and to discipline us. No one ever likes being disciplined in the moment, but eventually you realize it was good for you. And I've finally come to that point. (Although I know I will forget again.) I realize that God's discipline for me is good and just what I need. It takes a lot of love to care enough to discipline someone. I am a child of God and He is treating me as so.
Romans 5: 3-4- Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope
Romans 8:28- And we know that for the good of those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Ephesians 3:20-21- Now to him who is able to far more abundantly that all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
