The Joy Thief

It comes and steals all of your joy. It creeps in slowly (or sometimes not so slowly), takes over, and can often control every area of your life. Comparison. That rotten rotten sin that I just can't seem to escape. I've heard/read it several times, a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: "Comparison is the thief of joy." Afterwards, I realized just how true it is. I constantly find myself trying to impress people or trying to be better than people in a certain area just so I can "turn out on top." Along with that are the unrealistic expectations I tend to have. It is exhausting and in the end, I am left feeling the complete opposite of joyous. I feel jealous. I feel angry and bitter. I feel insecure. I feel disappointed and sad. Anything but joyful. By having these feelings toward people, I am sinning against them for something they didn't even technically do to me. I say my joy is in the LORD, but I am living a lie because in reality I am looking for joy in others' opinions of me. I am temporarily satisfied by feeling loved by others instead of by the only One who can truly and fully love me. The truth is that Jesus is the only thing that ever truly satisfies. Intellectually, I know this is true but my heart keeps wrestling with it. So, I want to throw out some verses that I turn to when I'm believing these lies, hoping that they resonate with you readers.

When feeling depressed/hopeless:
Psalm 16:11- You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

When feeling unloved:
Romans 8:38-39- For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ephesians 1:5- he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will

Lamentations 3:22-23-The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Zephaniah 3:17- The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

When I feeling unwanted or left out:
Romans 8:16-17- The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Lastly, another quote that I recently found and have been clinging to: "A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms." No matter what it is, there is always room to grow and competing with others is not going to help us do so. Focus on your own growth. There's no need to compete with others. 

Your flesh is showing-Jamaica Update #2

My time in Jamaica is over half way done already. And of course it's been a great experience but it's also gotten to the point where it's starting to get hard. I'm with the same 13 people day in and day out. Of course we all love each other but just like with any relationship, we get on each other's nerves. We get short with each other. Our flesh begins to show. Now, what does this mean? There's dual meaning here. It refers to our earthly flesh. Our sin. Our own selfish desires. But also our actual physical flesh, which I will get to later.

 "For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do."-Galatians 5:17

So any time someone lashes out at someone else we make the comment, "Your flesh is showing." It's usually said in a joking manner but we all still understand that it's a reminder of sin and the battle we're all fighting. Not only has this battle against the flesh been shown in the way we all interact with each other but I, personally, have also seen it within myself. The theme of this week was Dig Deep, a very appropriate theme for this point in time. It's been a real struggle to even get myself out of bed because I'm exhausted in every sense and if I'm honest with myself, the last thing I want to do is to go out and share my faith with people. And even when I do go out (mostly because I have to and that's what we're here to do) my motives so often turn into making myself look good and not about glorifying God. I start trying to do it on my own strength. That has required a lot of digging deep. Another way we've been digging deep is by slaying lies that we believe. We went through a chart, starting with an activating event that causes us to believe a certain thing or things. For example: an activating event could be not getting invited or not feeling accepted in some way. This then causes thoughts such as, "They don't even actually like me." or "They like other people more than me." The chart continues on to consequences. What things arise from this event/false belief. Perhaps, in my example these things are jealousy, anger, or insecurity. Then the final section is to point out truths that counteract the lies we are believing. This exercise has allowed us to be aware of our flesh showing and has also really gotten us to dig deep within our hearts and try to dig out the roots of sin.  
Now to the second meaning. In Jamaica, there obviously are not a lot of white people. We clearly stick out. Especially me with my blonde hair and blue eyes. They rarely rarely see blue eyes. We often get hit on (sometimes subtle, sometimes not) whistled at, or just stared at. They also hold the assumption that since we are from America, we must be rich, and quite a few people just bluntly ask us for money. It's been tough to get used to, that's for sure. I've never been the minority in my life. As if our white skin doesn't make us stick out as it is, we then go around and approach people asking if we can talk to them about life and spiritual things. Awkward. But you know? Overall, I've learned to embrace it. They usually know why we're there. "You guys are missionaries?" we'll often hear asked as we walk around the city. Sometimes I love that word and being considered one, and other times I practically hate it. Everyone in the church loves and respects missionaries, but to people outside of it, you're kind of a freak. That just goes back to the battle between my flesh and the spirit though. I think the closet thing I can relate to is this verse: 

"If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."-John 15:19 Now I've never necessarily felt hated but this points out that as Christians we should not be like the world and should almost be hated in a sense because of the way we live our lives. We are just different, especially in Jamaica. If you're a Christian, you should look different too. The Spirit of the living God lives inside of you and that's amazing. You'll definitely have an internal battle that sometimes spews outward, but that's what makes us different. Be grateful that you have such a battle to fight and that your flesh is showing. 

Jamaican Journey-Update #1

Well folks, it's officially 1 week that I've been in Jamaica. The fact that I am even here right now still amazes me. Just 2 months ago the thought of coming here never crossed my mind. It never even seemed to be an option for me. God sure did blow me away in providing for me though and me being here is clearly orchestrated by Him.

Anyways, I'm here. So you're probably wondering what I've been doing. Well, for the first few days my group and I pretty much just hung out. There are 12 of us total and only 4 people that knew each other beforehand. This means that a lot of getting to know each other was in store (and still is of course). Along with much of that though, we also had evangelism training. With Cru, there are a lot of tools that we use to reach people with God's love and the Gospel of Christ. One of those being a 5 question survey that uses 50 picture options to help them answer the questions. Also within the first few days have been some deep dives into the Bible. Not only are we going through 1 Thessalonians for the month that we're here but we also each get an extended date night with Jesus once a week. I'm already learning what it looks like to spend long periods of time with Him. Whether it be listening to worship music, praying, journaling, bible reading, or all of the above, there are plenty of things to do for 2+ hours and getting creative makes it more fun and enjoyable. Although it can be rather difficult as well. In fact, writing this blog is the conclusion of my date night with Jesus for tonight.

So that leads me to our actual outreach time. Yesterday was our first day out on the campuses (There are 2 we will be working at). So even though today was only day 2, we already have a good grasp on what the typical Jamaican person is like. I feel that they are easier to talk to both in general and on a deeper level. I probably shouldn't feel that way. I need to be bold in America too! Jamaicans are very friendly. Very open. And very chill. Unlike us Americans who are strict to our schedules, they live by something my team has started calling "Jamaican time." They are just laid back and flexible. They are also a lot more of a Christian country than I thought. Or should I say, "Christian." I say this because so many people have the main and most important concept of Christianity wrong. God's grace and Jesus. They believe in God and Jesus but they also believe that you are not a true Christian until you are baptized. A lot of the people we've talked to believe in a work-based salvation. The better you do at following God's law, the more you read your bible, and the harder you try to be a good person/ like Jesus, the more God will bless you or love you or it is only until to reach that certain point that He will accept you. That is just not true. The truth is laid out in 4 points. 1. God loves you and created you and He has a wonderful plan for your life. 2.We are sinful and separated from God. Nothing we do on our own can ever get us to Him. 3. Jesus, however, died in our place bridging the gap that reaches to God and 4. We must believe this to be true and let Jesus take control of our lives and trust in His plan for us. It isn't Jesus plus something else. It's just Jesus. That's all it takes. Nothing but the blood of Jesus!

Of course there are those people that also want nothing to do with God, those who are still searching, and those who are walking right with God and have a good grasp on His grace just like I'm used to seeing in the states. People are on every area of the spectrum. If people come to put their trust in Jesus then that is so so awesome and ideal. But if we move them over just one point further right  on the spectrum, that is great too! Successful evangelism is defined as taking the initiative to share the gospel in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results to God.

We have 16 more days left to share the gospel on these campuses. Pray for the hearts of the Jamaicans and for our boldness/trust. It's gonna be a long, stretching fews weeks but amazing ones nonetheless.

More than just Proverbs 31 Women

This is what I desire that myself and every woman following the Lord hopes for, strives for, and prays for to describe themselves (adopted from http://www.pearlsandgrace.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-new-church-lady.html):

She will truly have His heart and His eyes to see sons and daughter when she looks at His people.

She will be a doer of the word and not a hearer only.

She will refuse to judge and condemn and do her best to love people back to wholeness.

She will be a fountain of mercy and grace and one who will breathe life back into dry bones.

She will know that it is the love of God that breaks every yoke.

She will be a living epistle of love and humility and will demonstrate the scriptures with kindness and gentleness and compassion.

She will give credit where credit is due.

She will point others to Him. She will give Him all the glory. All of the honor. All of the credit. Always.

She will understand fully-the truth is this: If it were not for the grace of God-there goes I. 

She will reach to the back row and encourage and minister to the hearts of the women who can't get past the grief and sorrow of their own life.

She will look past circumstances and situations and appearances that look different than her own to see daughters of the living God who have yet to discover their worth.

She knows that "humility isn't thinking less of yourself but it is thinking of yourself less."

Graciousness is her hallmark.

Gratitude is her beauty treatment.

She is a woman of her word.

She is a worshiper. In spirit and in truth.

She is a prayer warrior and holds trust from others as sacred.

She is supportive of others and is not an opportunist.

She understands that to become a Proverbs 31 woman, you can't skip chapters 1-30.

She is fully aware of her own shortcomings and seeks Him daily for His love and guidance.

She recognized hopelessness and worthlessness in others and speaks life.

She is an excellent listener. She listens with her head and her heart. She hears what is not being said.

She is a lifter. An encourager. A hope giver.

She forgives fully.

She know that the same grace that was made available to her is also available to everyone else.

She does not gossip. She does not constantly brag or boast. She speaks blessing.

She sees the best. Believes the best. Hopes the best.

She places a high value on God's people.

She invests in the greatest investment in the world--His people.

She is known for what she stands for.

And of course these changes can only come from God. But we have to let Him take control. Let Him change us. Philippians 1:6 (ESV)-And I am sure of this, that he who has begun a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

At the beginning of the blog that I got this wonderful list from, the blogger described the judgement that she once felt from the people of the church. It was very evident to her what they stood against. She was a single mother giving church a try and she felt nothing but condemned. She left the church for an entire decade because of that. This breaks my heart and I'd like to say that things like this are made up or that they don't happen anymore but that, unfortunately, is far from the truth. I'm tired of it. We are called to live like Christ but we are failing that task ridiculously. Think about who Jesus hung out with. The widows, the poor, the prostitutes. He knew who needed love the most and showed it to them. I'm tired of my best friend telling me that she doesn't feel included in the ministry that she's involved in. I'm tired of hearing about people who have lost hope and faith completely, enough to the point where they never want to walk into a church building again, because they were burnt by it. Wake up, church of God! These are real people, God's people, with real stories. We have all been giving millions of "second chances" by God. We've all been forgiven 7x70 times, so why wouldn't we treat everyone with that same manner? Be a doer of the Word. Place a high value on God's people. Refuse to judge and condemn them. Invest in them. Love them. Accept them. Include them. We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

Too Connected/Social?

I think it's safe to say that technology (more specifically social media) is both a blessing and a curse. It is great that we have such fabulous technology allowing us to connect with people across the world practically institutionally, but if it is taken advantage of and we let it get the best of us, it definitely is considered a curse. It can take away from our alone time, true alone time; an important time to reflect, learn, and grow as an individual.

There is a book called Crazy Busy written by Kevin DeYoung, the senior pastor from University Reformed Church in East Lansing, Michigan. I was able to read a booklet, which is a glimpse of the book, earlier today. During the book, DeYoung talks about the busyness that every one of us faces as we live in such a crazy world. Though, only 21 pages, the words I read were like a knife jabbed straight to the heart. I'm gonna cut straight to the chase here before I outline what I read: my take is that we really aren't as busy as we think or say we are. Intrigued? Please read on.

Here. Let me break down what DeYoung says are the threats of our ever-connectedness through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, vine, and of course texting. (There are more, but there's are the major ones and the ones that I use.)

1. The threat of addiction.
"Could you go a whole day without looking at Facebook? Could you go an afternoon without looking at your phone? What about two days without email?" DeYoung then went on to talk about how a particular man's experience with the Internet changed quite drastically. This man became more and more consumed with it that he soon admitted that it had control over his life. "His habits were changing, morphing to accommodate a digital way of life. He became dependent on the Internet for information and activity. He found his ability to pay attention declining. To quote the man, "It (his brain) was hungry. It was demanding to be fed the way the Net fed it-and the more it was fed, the hungrier it became. Even when I was away from my computer, I yearned to check email-links, do some Googling. I wanted to be connected." The word addict was used in this section. Yes, it was a harsh word but, if we're honest with ourselves, I'm sure a lot of us could say the same thing is true about ourselves. I have finally just recently came to terms with this fact about myself. Are you addicted to staying connected? "The only thing my mind can do, indeed the only thing it wants to do, is plug back into that distracted frenzied blitz of online information." To give it a Christian insight, 2 Peter 2:19 is mentioned. "...whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved." Ouch.

2. The threat of acadia.
"Acedia is an old word roughly equivalent to 'sloth' or 'listlessness.' It is not a synonym for leisure, or even laziness. Acedia suggests indifferece and spiritual forgetfulness." Ouch again. Can you now see why while reading this my heart just ached with conviction? "Acedia is evenings without number obliterated by television, evenings neither of entertainment nor of education but of narcoticized defense against time and duty. Above all, acedia is apathy, the refusal to engage the pathos of other lives and of God's life with them."-Richard John Neuhaus. "For too many of us, the hustle and bustle of electronic activity is a sad expression of a deeper acedia. We feel busy, but not with a hobby or recreation or play. We are busy with busyness. Rather than figure out what to do with our spare minutes and hours, we are content to swim in the shallows and pass our time with passing the time...We keep downloading information, but rarely get down into the depth of our heart. That's acedia-purposelessness disguised as constant commotion."

3. The treat of our digital world, the danger that we are never alone.
"I'm talking about our desire to never be alone." Peter Kreeft is right: "Unconsciously, we want the very things we complain about. For if we had leisure, we would look at ourselves and listen to our hearts and see the great gasping hold in our hearts and be terrified, because that hold is so big that nothing but God can fill it."  Quoting DeYoung from the book again, "And the scariest part is that we may not want to leave (this world of the connectedness that we have gotten sucked into).  What if we prefer endless noise to the deafening sound of silence? What if we do not care to hear God's still, small voice? What if the trivialities and distractions of our day are not forced upon us by busyness, or forced upon us at all? What if we choose to be busy so that we can continue to live with trivia and distraction? If 'digital busyness is the enemy of depth,' then we are bound to be stuck in the shallows so long as we're never alone."

That's a lot of hard truth to read huh? Discouraged or overwhelmed yet? Well, there's some good news! (Hopefully at least) And the best news, most encouraging news, is at the very end so don't grow weary, friends! DeYoung then gives some tips on what to do about this ever-rising problem of ours:

1. Cultivate a healthy suspicion toward technology and "progress."
"We could do with a little more 'distance' form technology, a little more awareness that there was life before the latest innovations and there can be life without it.

2. Be more thoughtful and understanding in your connectedness with others.
   a. Don't ask open-ended questions
   b. Don't send back content-less replies
   c. Don't cc for no good reason
   d. Don't expect an immediate response
We are so impatient, and I think it has a lot to do with how connected we are today. We always expect an immediate response. Just chill people. Let others live their lives away from their technology and do so yourself. (Don't worry people, I'm preaching to myself here as well!)

3. Deliberately use "old" technology.
"If you don't want to be dependent on your digital devices, make an effort to get by without them. Read a real book. Write a paper letter. Buy a nice pen. Call someone on the phone. Looking something in in the dictionary. (A real hardback one) Drive with the radio off and the iPod unplugged. Go on a run without music. The goal is not to be quaint, but to relearn a few practices that can be more enjoyable the 'old-fashioned' way."

4. Make boundaries, and fight with all your might to protect them.
"The simplest step to break the tyranny of the screen is also the hardest step: we can't be connected all the time. We have to stop taking our phone to bed. We can't check Facebook during church. We can't text a every meal."
Suggestion: have a basket where phones and laptops sit for a certain period of the day.
"Most of us would find a new freedom if we didn't check our phone as the last and first this we do every day." *Gulp* guilty. This is the probably the worst habit of all.

5. Bring our Christian theology to bear on these dangers of the digital age.
"While commonsense suggestions are always welcome, our deepest problems can be helped only with the deepest truths. Because of the doctrines of creation, we must affirm that man-made artifact can be instrument for human flourishing and for the glory of God."

Here's the best part of the entire read!!!:
"But because we have a God who chose us in eternity past and looks at a day as a thousand years and a thousand years as a day, we will not be infatuated with the latest fads and trends. And because of the incarnation, we understand there is no substitute for dwelling with physical people in a physical place...Likewise, because we understand our worth as image-bearers and our identity as children of God, we will not look to the Internet to prove that we are important, valuable, and loved, And, because we accept the presence of indwelling sin, we will not be blind to the potential idolatries and temptations we can succumb to online. And because we know ourselves to be fallen creatures, we will accept the limits of our human condition."

Amen. Maybe this will be a goal for myself and for those of you reading for 2014. If it is negatively effecting your ability to become closer to and more like Christ than you probably need to let it go. (And yes, I did just mentally break out into the song from Frozen) :) Happy New Year, friends!